a big fat FUCK to me & everyone else.

maybe i'm just not cut out to lead. maybe i'm not meant to be a good sister. maybe i can't juggle managing my bro, household, studies and bowling all at once. maybe there's only 8 weeks left to nationals. maybe i set too high expections of myself. maybe i'm not as capable as everyone expects me to be. maybe i'm a perfectionist. maybe i should learn to close one eyes, or sometimes even both. maybe i should lay low for awhile. maybe i should cut away from this world. maybe i suck. maybe i'm hitting rock bottom of my spirits. maybe i should learn to let go. maybe i'm stressed out. maybe i'm sinking into depression.

that's it. D E P R E S S I O N. that's me, all worn and torn. i'm sorry my bro had to be the brunt of my anger today. however, i DO NOT feel remorseful about slapping me so damn bloody hard. that's the way i am, take it or leave it.

life is so surreal. who i really am may not be who i appear to be. a false front, a mimicked character, a horrible me. maybe i should juz end tis all. be gone on earth and all will go as well. i really should go now. reflect on the many things i shouldn't have done or have yet to do.

p.s. don't worry. i'm not the least bit suicidal.

ooh i have the same type of heart as kw. how interesting. my heart is see thru'. who i like is an open secret. however, crystals break so damn easily. then again, i'm still persistent. wat the hell is wrong with me?!!

I HATE THE VJC BOWLING "TEAM"!!

Together Everyone Achieves More. more shit? i won't call us a team, i would say individuals who tink they are top of tops put together during a period of time to bowl together - "train".

one of the worst trg sessions i've ever had in my entire life. i seriously have a sudden urge to appeal to close the guys' team since they don't give two hoots abt anything (my pt of view). of cos there are exceptions.

haiz. screw me. i'm feeling so f*cked up! i hate guys too. i look at them and i all i can see is beastly creatures. maybe i'm suffering from post-menstrual-blues.

Heart of Crystal


What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

surinah has left, headed home. bro cried quite badly. he's very attached to her indeed. showed ana a bit of colours in the afternoon. she stressed me out! thank gdness she has a flare (to be confirmed) for cooking. dinner then turned out alright.

had terrible menstrual cramps yest. the worst in 7 yrs? pe really helped make it better. and i leaked! arghz. 2nd or 3rd time on tis uniform already.

he suddenly msged me during lessons yest. asked me a set of "stupid" questions. to think i dint noe any of the ans.

1. who lives in a pineapple under the sea? sponge bob square pants. (rl gave me the ans to tis)

2. who fights for justice that fights in a trio? powerpuff girls! (i tihot it was 3 musketeers)

3. what do u call a lion that swims in the sea? merlion. (bleahz!)

4. what is ironic about the political science in singapore? we have an indian president living in a white istana. (wth?!!)

hahahaz. crappy but makes u work thoz dormant brain cells.

watching the 9 o'clock chinese drama serial on channel 8, beautiful trio (da nu ren, xiao nu ren) gives me a new rush of feminism once again. sat in the car on the way home from airport, i thot abt many incidents, suddenly realise i do hate guys. oh wellz, guess it'll take time to cease fire.

tkgs bowling is gonna be washed down the drain tis yr. bye bye to them. bleahz.

nv suffered such bad cramps b4. makes me hv diarrhea too. anyway, it's the first time (or rather the first etched in my memory) that my period came on time - 28 day cycle. usually it would be ard 21 days. btw, 3 months in a row where jm & i hv our periods one day after the other. i was leading initially, but for laz mth and tis mth, she led.

oopz! i juz realised i'm helping jm to announce that her period came yesterday.

BLOODY talk! feeling kinda open abt menstrual stuff all of a sudden. hahahaz.

had trg today. permanently on guard. using wingz' mongoose instead of unc francis'. at least it helps to increase my speed. and i juz love the roll the cobra guard produces. marvellous!

that's all for now. cramps starting to ache up.

wat's with my quote abt younger guys? be it adaptations or direct quotations. hmph. went down victor's to be a spectator. tink the bowling world is coming to an end. the lively atmosphere and fighting spirit seems to hv vanished into thin air.

ooh, guess wat? he msged laz nite. unfortunately or unfortunately (ur call now), vj doesn't hv common tests right after the march hols cos we had ours during term 1. anyway, out of courtesy i replied. next thing, i saw him at victor's after eating lunch (which was way too late) with clara. hey U, i'm no smart girl!

like talking to clara. she's so blur yet funny. it lightens the mood. well, she understands, she cares, that's enough for me. great to hv a junior like her.

fatigue. is that me? nah, although i've been feeling sleepy. slept during lec (unusual of me). slept on the way home in mum's car. intention was to accompany her but apparently it dint work out.

i'm happy to be me though u're messing up my life. glad things hv almost gone back to normal, or rather the way they used to be. after all, no friendship is serene and friends are meant to be for life.

gosh! is that self-consolation or wat? buzzing off now.

farewell to march hols! welcome term 2. i would say right now i'm a mix of anxious to school start and dreading the lectures/tutorials. there're bound to be new faces and many gone. wonder what's the cut-off tis yr.

anyway juz hoping to start everything anew, fresh & clean. got a feeling the claz might be even more separated in the coming weeks. wait and see!

oh, btw, i bot alexius a huge blossom powerpuff for $14.90. she's gonna love it and love me! did i mention abt my new slippers from vnc that snapped on the very first day i wore. mummy's gonna get it changed for me. brand new pair on my way. tis time they better not snap!

off to dreamland, then school.

had jts yest at marina south no.1 bbq steamboat. the "inviting food" shop was too proud to do our business. ermz, the food? sotong was nice. dint exactly like the meat. had a huge crab pincer. loved the prawns, had >20. ahh! that's high cholesterol, or is the cholesterol concentrated in the head? muz say it's a well-spent $9.

went down src aft tt, dunno for wat also. juz heard ana asking kw so decided to go too. then mingz & wingz came along. it was funny cos 4 girls in vj attire were watching kw bowl. we squeezed onto the couch. trust me, i would tink i'm a lunatic! ana treated us to banana split. she was so shuang kuai in agreeing, unlike, *ahem-ahem*, muz ask mum to sign.

kw was pissed off with me. well, he was late! mingz & i can't be waiting to be questioned by unc francis all the time, asking how many lanes we need. if i were to appeal to mr tan to close the guys' team, it'll be done within a snap of his fingers. guessed he cooled down a lot during dinner. we could still tease him abt his sexuality in front of the aunties while he was hving club trg. but i still dunno, who's D?!!

spent the whole day with my mummy and bro today. everything was alright until my bro got on my nerves for being so ungrateful. we dragged him to shop with us, anyway he needed a pair of sandals. we walked ard the shops trying to look for a suitable pair, instead of being thankful, he was pulling a black face and snubbing us. WTH!! do we owe u a living?!! disgusting behaviour. totally put off.

desmond asked to borrow money. transferred $100 to his account. he better return it to me, or else, i'll hv no new bowling ball to combat victor's oily lanes. NO! or else, i'll slaughter him. he's not staying. posted to rj. smarty pants. wat if he befriends him? that'll be cool!

"do not go for younger guys who are attached and get to meet their gfs once or twice a yr at international competitions like asian schs."

my new maid has arrived. was some sort a supervisor today. really tiring job just following the 2 maids ard, making sure everything is in place and taught properly.

divine retribution. i do believe in it. i'm thinking, could it be happening to me now? words said leave me wondering, leave me guessing. it's not an easy task trying to piece the puzzle together so that i am clear of the whole picture.

feelings hurt, feelings rekindled, but will i ever stand a chance? one chance, that's all i ask. is that so hard to do? i could go on like this forever, or i could move on praying u won't come back into my life and leave me all messed up.

maybe i should juz club my life away and not bother so much abt purity, chasity and on top of all, virginity. can't u tell i'm in one of those insanely moods? i appear fine but i'm facing an internal turmoil. i softly whisper that the wind sends my prayers to the one above, hoping my wish comes true.

i realised i live for only one thing - U.

i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-i-miz-u-

my mum tinks that i should play a little hard-to-get. should not end the cold war so easily. pian yi le ta. yet she knows i can't bring myself to do it. honestly i'm more than overjoyed. i nv saw tis day coming. it seems like a new beginning. oh no! i tink i'm dreaming again. oopz! mind the word, 'tink'. I AM DREAMING!

elated, exhilirated, estatic etc. tink of all the words that are linked with happiness, that's me for now. i dun wanna tink too far but i'm confused to whether i should be happy or sad. happy - i've regained a fren. sad - i know it's gonna be another rollercoaster emotional hell ride.

i was doing perfectly alright w/o him. now, i'm lost once again. why does it always happen? i got used to life w/o him. now, life has changed. nu da 18 pian, is tis supposed to be encompassed in it as well? why am i at his mercy? i hv my own objectives in life, he's not gonna make them all go away, though it seems to be happening now. HELP! i need to break free.

so much for convincing myself that i'm over it. hasn't it just been proven otherwise?

wat can i say abt the party? initially the music sucked big time! if i'm not wrong they changed dj and things were slowly heating up. so many vj ppl! gosh! i won't say it was a fantastic party. guess everything plays a part - the crowd, the music, the atmosphere. i'm actually looking forward to a retro party. tink it'll be much nicer.

schools' challenge was SCREWED up! the oil was long and thick, there was no back end. playing my normal 10-10, my ball juz skidded all the way down the lane towards pin 10. tried diagonal, it worked better but the ball was seriously going straight.

then, after the first game, they made an announcement to re-bowl the whole series. how's that? we already started late, now we still had to wait. damn! brian, ana & i were very anxious becos the party started at 9pm. finally, after manual stripping of the lane, we started at 6pm with not much diiference to the back end. heck! juz bowl. obviously from my complaining, u can tell i dint do too well. in fact, i was OFF-OFf-Off-off-form.

had lunch alone at the coffeeshop. first time ever eating alone. guess i'll hv to learn to be independent. at sy, he said hi to me thru' py. time to end the cold war. ?!! WTF?!! so now, he's calling the shots. i really have to give and take. there were a few times we had eye contact but i looked away. dint wanna get myself entangled in another big mess.

after the party, when i got my handbag back from the log corner, i received a msg, 'hi.' it was such a pity i left my handphone in the bag. couldn't possibly reply, it was 3am! anyway it was a good day after all. bowling dun really matter much.

wah! super bright today sia. had lunch with jm & kevin, walked ard in far east level 1. it felt a little weird. luckily pang came - "to the rescue." shopped for jm's outfit to the party tmr. she bought a blue top from psb and a white skirt from iora.

went down tampines for dinner at country manna. third time there in 2 weeks. dunno why i was so tired i fell asleep on the journey home. dint feel like getting out of the car. realise i need lotsa sleep these few days.

busy day for me tmr. schedule's kinda tight too. 1130: dental appt. 1530: schools' challenge at safra yishun. 2100: R&B party@chinablack.

juz found out that rj is taking part too. it doesn't exactly spell gd news for me. he's gonna be there. that was certainly the last thing i has expected. just hoping and wishing everything would be alright. when my life seems to hv untangle itself, another turmoil is approaching. sigh. lisa's kenneth is oso bowling. i muz try to spot him and say hi.

Good Luck to me for tmr! rest assured i will do my best!

NUS open house. huge campus. very hilly indeed, definitely not a gentle terrain. attended the faculty of science talk. quite interesting i muz say. at least now i noe that i can graduate in 2 yrs, if not 3 for a honours degree. sounds very tempting. even contemplating a double degree within those 4 yrs.

the weather was freaking hot! plus the fact that we had to walk a hilly distance to the bus stops to take the internal shuttle buses dint help. have a sudden interest in business. i may end up taking that. who knows? seemed to hv dropped the idea of medicine. well, it'll all depend.

talking abt hot weather, there was a thunder storm at 7pm. whilst driving along ecp, the lightning flashed right in front of my eyes. more than once to be exact. honestly, i was terrified. i hv been afraid of lightning and thunder since young, one phorbia that i can't seem to get rid of.

had a sumptous dinner at shawn's place, in celebration of his grandma's and my godma's birthday. denise was there too! yun hui came also. ended up playing games using drinking as a penalty. first we had red wine, then it was lemonade that had additional contreau & bacardi. it was so fun! wincent and my sis played as well. we were all juz laffing our asses off.

the hols are here! it feels good! did a rushed shopping today at john little. bot another UCLA boardshorts to share with my sis and a pack of underwear that was pink, purple & orange in colour. so cool! wonder if it can be seen when i wear sch uni. hopefully not.

disappointing dinner. sigh. was looking forward to many things but none came true. instead, i ended up at a dinner table with 4 adults who were discussing abt family politics. much as i lyk to gossip, i wasn't the least bit interested. sat there and pecked slowly at the food.

after school, went to see alexius. her tiny actions are so heart warming. it is endearing to know that she loves me for who i am. my lil' tiger baby.

lubin dislocated his shoulder during pe today. it was rather scary to see the bone sticking out. however, he got it back in a few minutes later. take care boy!

played 3 out of the 4 quarters for netball. tried the centre position once cos before that i failed terribly as a shooter. tink i did relatively well. at least i could mark adrin and he was panting already. my stamina should be better if not the same as his. becos his 2.4km timing is not exactly fast.

laz day of school. mr lee did a comparison across the s3 classes. guess wat? we were last, not only that, lagging by a hell lot. tis is not only for physics, same goes for all the other subjects. then he went on to a mini lecture abt how we should be mindful that time is running short, but we were still not settling down and getting serious.

it set me thinking. hv i put in effort? i won't say i dint, but it juz ain't enuff i guess. gonna keep working harder each term. tis strategy should work so that the highest intensity would be during the A levels.

going NUS open house tmr. hopefully i can get a clearer picture of wat i wanna do.

read mavis' blog. kinda upset me that she's not the girl i used to know. she's changed, and by a lot. could be the company she mixes with, of whom she does complain abt sometimes, but, haiz, i oso dunno. feeling rather down. it'd be bad to give my true perception of her here, maybe i should juz keep it to myself.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIC! i rememver cos u're exactly 9 mths older than me.

brrr.. it's cold in here. the weather has been WET these 4 consecutive days. the rain comes and goes at its own will, not bothering abt us, getting drenched from head to toe, inside-out. and my house was flooded today! thank goodness it was only till the first step.

TOLERANCE is a virtue, i've learnt. surprised jm & sherlyn at how i could swallow that particular sentence by not reacting at all. if u know me well enough, of cos i can't. volcano had exploded internally, the lava was simply flowing to every corner of my body esp my face. even jm said my face was red! i survived the period. i walked out peacefully. however, F**K was spat all over the moment i walked out. sorry jm & sherlyn to have disappointed u abt the "movie".

my whole day was ruined. thoroughly gone. washed out, as with the rain. pang, sorry for taking it out on u. it was juz bad timing that u were trying to irritate me. fortunately i was up in the pe dept for almost 2 periods to sort out bowling stuff. it helped to soothe my senses. tan yew hwee can be quite hilarious. crapping and joking with us. and he pulled my ear! why? becos i declared i dun lyk VS.

tis is sth i muz mention. tan said we couldn't get ken teo in. our fault. so can close down the guys team. the next thing i knew, both ming and kw were looking at me. as though it's my responsibillity. hmph! yea my fault, i scared him away. hahaz.

chem lec was interesting, or should i say the lecturer was interesting himself. his voice was piercing and he seemed like he was shouting. the speakers were blasting and my ears suffered. math S was replaced by the Sterling lecture abt materials engineering. NO WAY was i gonna go. came home, ate, slept and ate again. then to training. and ATE again! save my stomach! luckily there's pe tmr.

some undergraduates from Sheares hall, NUS came to school and set up a booth. it's the newest hall, with all the new facilities. DUH! cool. i put my name down. at least i know that my mum is encouraging abt staying in hall. the registration would be in a year's time but u gotta start somewhere rite?

demoralising week for me. failed f math common test. kinda expected. i juz knew i couldn't trust my answers. ms oon spoke to jm and myself tis morning. my GP is stagnant! i can sense it too. how do i go abt helping myself? we hv the potential but may be neglected as she trys to help the weaker students. the standard is getting higher, that's why it seems as if our grades are dropping. WAKE UP! i gotta do sth abt it. tis calls for an emergency plan.

bowled like crap today. nothing seemed to hv gone right today. could it be retribution? oh wellz, much as i regret my actions, it is way to late. repent. penance. if i'm currently on an alternating of highs and lows, then let it be done that i bowl well on monday and win sth. Zone Danger 5 is out. pearlised ball. should i get it? still hv time to tink abt it. intending to get a new ball in april.

blog surfing comforts me in a way that i know i'm not alone in all tis shit. is tis sorta life filled with misery and depression meant for teenagers? or for ppl of all ages? or does it juz happen to be the grp that i mix with? at least i know i'm not the only one facing problems of all sorts. i'm juz thankful i hv yet to face love problems tis yr. let bygones be bygones. put the past behind me and start anew.

"full day.. full day.. full day.." these were the cheers of vjc early at 8am tis morning. next it became, "two days.. two days.. two days.." rock on, vj!

for once i felt that mrs chan's exotic way of attracting attention was commendable. "make sure u walk around singapore in ur school uniform so that the others will know that we are celebrating." wow! all conservative principals would try their best to not let their students be seen in public in uniform, just in case.

had a row with my mum in the morning before i left for school. put it behind me and enjoy the day! finally got to eat macs breakfast. hot cakes! can't even remember when was the last time i had them. planned to head for town after eating but i needed to get my ball first. guess wat? actually wat's new? ended up in my house playing mj.

and that leads me to where i am now. in my aunt's office working for a few hours before training later. had a nice warm mushroom soup with bread. tis shuld last me till "team" dinner tonight. don't really fancy the idea of eating with the yr 1s. erpz! wat a gd v-cap i am. other than jane and diana, i can't exactly communicate with the rest. they're either in their own world, if not putting on a dao appearance or simply not my cup of tea. either way, dinner is still on! *dreads*

tataz! catch ya later if i don't reach home too late and not exhausted.

i'm taking things in a very positive light although i screwed up my f math common test yesterday. met auntie pat and uncle seah at century square after that for lunch at country manna. finally got to alexius & gareth. how i miss them so. and adorable lil' xius wanted to sit next to me. she pushed her dad aside.

had an ultimately "romantic candle light supper" near the river by the esplanade laz night with the tk clique. it was to celebrate pam's bdae. i'm the baby there. i'll juz watch one by one turn 18 while i wait desperately for my turn, by which A levels would hv been over.

pam wanted to go into Embassy but the others were afraid we'll not be let in. besides, she was the only legal one there. jan wanted pam to buy alcohol for us as a symbolic gesture, but dint as well. put all of us together, we could sit, talk and laugh for hours but it will only feel like we've juz begun. the focus is all so different when i'm with them. i won't be thinking about things that i'm not supposed to i guess. to conclude, i juz like being with them.

caught the laz bus home. had to walk a big round about raffles city from the mrt station as it was closed already. then all the drama scenes were going thru my mind, like what if there was a murderer or rapist lurking ard the corner. will i be shot down with one bullet or will i be left bleeding to death. it was really weird thoughts.

guess wat? i noe i'm lagging but i finally caught the Return of The King today at sun plaza. that is all the way up in sembawang. watched it with xius & reth. 2 days in a row out with them. that really made my weekend. gareth was sooo cute, he was imitating all the characters in the show and shouted their names whenever they appeared. tink he noes the show better than i do. mind u, he's only 3! nice to be out with them, easy to look after, juz that they are highly active children. however, they do listen. that's what makes things so much easier.

my love life is stagnant once again. that is in a way good. the infatuation of J has gone, gone with the wind. well, i feel good, i'm happy. all these matter the most now.

"From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken; the crownless again shall be king."

i'm on cloud 9!!

after 2 nights of frustrations, finally i get peace of mind.

chinese AO - a1, oral distinction. now tis is really a bonus.

chem common test - A.

tell me, how not to be happy? too bad i can only start enjoying after tmr morning, f math test.

good luck to me once again!

pang: cheer up! life goes on.

2 bad nights in a row, how am i to survive?

mood: fucked up.

i thot i was having a pleasant day till i reached home and was beaten by the stupid china boy to the shower. he had all the time b4 i came home to bathe, but no, he had to wait till i finished my fruit, abt to take my clothes, then he decided he needed a bath. when u reprimand him abt it, he'll juz go, "uh." had enuff! one yr with him is driving me nuts. wonder if tis is a generalisation, but are the PRC tis irritating, unhygienic and dumb?!!

of cos, if u noe me well, i hv a terrible temper. however, it doesn't take one or two incidents to make me tick. it builds, accumulates, then explodes.

took bus with the team to victor's today. one of the rare times where i get to interact with them. we definitely need more bonding. also, they are highly un-motivated. where do i start? what do i do?

anyway, enuff of me rattling on cos it could go on forever. tmr is the release of the A level results, which means, my chinese result is gonna be out. i'm kinda anticipating it alredi. i'm feeling rather confident abt it, hope it proves me right. hopefully getting back chemistry common test tmr as well.

so, all the best to me, i would say.

singapore government aims at grooming the best to still better themselves, neglecting or should i say at the expense of the average students. however, tis is not the case in my family. the best gets cast aside while those pale in comparison are showered with Tender Loving Care.

life is so unfair!!

i can nutin for putting in all the extra effort, all the minutes i hv lost out on sleeping whereas my bro gets everything for sleeping full 8h nightly and not bothering abt any of his work till he is told to. to a lesser extent, my sis who doesn't really bother much abt studies gets a better deal than i do. now tell me, where is the logic?

i'm pissed, frustrated & highly un-motivated. i wanna flunk all my tests too, so that when i do better the next time round, or when i ace my A levels, i'll be "worshipped" upon like a goddess. my mum and aunt challenged me to fail. can i? i ask myself, i search deep within my conscience, can i bring myself to do sth as stupid as that? are they worth this much? the answer is obvious - NO.

i'm still in my growing years, maybe till the end of this yr. i, too, wanna be endowed with all the love and concern, with all the attention i can get. BUT, i get none. all i can get is, "u muz get a scholarship. u see, my fren's daughter got... blah blah blah" i dun wanna hear no more. it seems all these words are imprinted in my mind, serving as a constant reminder. thank goodness those words belong to my aunt and not my mum. nevertheless, it affects me in a subtle way.

no doubt they are all proud of my achievements, but they never really show it. they flaunt indeed, but they don't embrace me. what's the point then? am i a tool they use to publicize intelligence? or am i seen as a living girl who, they might not know, needs the basic care sometimes?

"oh, a2 is expected of u. a1 would be a bonus." if u get it good, if not, then u let urself down? maybe immortality is good in a way. u won't hv to worry abt nitty gritty things like grades.

still trying to get over the incident. oh wellz, somebody save me!!

ooh check tis out! http://www.idealpartner.org.uk/ipbi/WhatJob.asp

Good Luck to the X-country runners for nationals at turf city tmr!

Natal Year number: 5
Although Lorraine at heart suffers from a sense of insecurity, she nevertheless portrays a confident yet sympathetic exterior to the outside world that enables her to get along well with other people. Indeed even though she is not really a team player, she is likely to reach a position of authority because she enjoys the strength of independent thought upon which others can rely.

Natal Month number: 1
Enjoying periods of time on her own, Lorraine's adaptable personality makes it easy for her to get along with others. She will examine fresh ideas in some depth, rejecting fashionable notions that fail to meet her substantive criteria. For this reason she should study philosophy, or one of its related disciplines. A perceptive individual who needs variety, and enjoys travel.

Natal House number: 9
Lorraine will work better in attractive surroundings that complement her appearance and character. A natural charmer with good taste and a sense of humour, Lorraine has the potential to be an inspirational leader in the workplace. Although a good "people person", she tends to let money slip through her fingers all too fast.

Western Grid

Although Lorraine is often outgoing and chatty, she can at times be quite introspective. She may not of course see herself as an entertainer, but she nevertheless has all the qualities needed for the stage. She may seem shy on interview, but put her on a platform with an audience, and you will see the benefits that she can bring to any employment that demands such skills.

Highly intelligent and acutely sensitive, Lorraine is a good judge of other people's motives and character. She enjoys high intelligence, and with a number 7 (in the Western Grid) she would be suited to a vocation in the priesthood. Sensitive to the needs of others, Lorraine should be employed to the benefit of those who lack the advantages enjoyed by others.

Creative yet somewhat insecure, Lorraine is a family-orientated person who enjoys domestic responsibilities. She could well be employed in the hospitality industry - perhaps running a hotel, or B & B venture. In an office environment Lorraine will be valuable as the individual to whom others will turn for moral support. But home for Lorraine is where the heart is, and domestic responsibilities will always be important.

Good with details and with a methodical approach, Lorraine nevertheless is someone who enjoys constant new challenges to maintain her interest. She is a methodical individual with attention to detail, but is inclined to leave tasks unfinished if her active mind alights on something of greater interest. Routine tasks that fail to challenge her intellect are at greatest risk, so Lorraine needs a job that offers variety.

Ambitious to improve her lot, Lorraine will constantly push forward to achieve something in her life, yet this ambition will be balanced by humanitarian ideals that will lead her to support causes that may demand self-sacrifice.

Negative traits: Taking little on trust, in adult life Lorraine requires solid proof before she accepts a concept. Characterised by honesty and fairness, she is quite intuitive, yet firmly sceptical of the claims made, for example, by religion. This may be important at work, if employers require employee acceptance of work practices that are not immediately verifiable.

Chinese Grid

Lorraine is obsessed with making money to the exclusion of everything else. She will lack fun and interests, and will work continuously to secure wealth.

Lorraine is family-orientated, and needs a pleasant working environment as well as a comfortable home.

In the absence (in the Chinese version) of the numbers 1 and 6, she will be good with money and details. She will be happier if the Chinese grid includes the numbers 5 and 7.

Although Lorraine is ambitious, her ambition is tempered with humanitarian ideals.

Negative traits: Lorraine is so determined to achieve her objectives that she does so at the expense of all else, including friends, family, love and laughter.

Positive traits: Lorraine is suited to the commercial world because she is determined to make money - if necessary at the expense of all else. Without the numbers 3, 5 and 7 (in the Chinese version) Lorraine will be a cold and calculating individual who will achieve her aims with total disregard for the feelings of others.