feeling terribly sore abt math test. the pressure is extremely high esp when ppl ard u are doing so well. i've made a major mistake in choosing tis combi, and i hope not to make another one so as to cause drastic changes to my future. too late for regrets, juz see myself thru' the As.

finding excuses for my lousy performance would be cowardly. admit my faults and try harder next time.

fun fair is in 2 days' time. actually am quite excited since i'm gonna be the main CHEF! be sure to visit my stall. at least i noe my loyal fans - liz, wh, jan - are sure to be there.

trg at victor's tmr. the thot of dragging 3 balls all the way there puts me off. my passion seems to hv disappeared. how can tis be?!! HELP!! left with 2 weeks. things are gonna turn out right.

aim: - nationals 2nd. of cos deep inside i really wanna turn tables on the hot fav and snatch the challenge trophy.
- get into masters' and claim some rightful medals.

gonna make full use of the little time i hv left. let the studies flop, it's ok. i'll make up for it. however, i muz admit the vcd is way too tempting. succumbed to it more than just once.

ATTN: check out how "GAY" kw is. on wingz's blog, the pic is on phoggler! on mingz's blog, the pic is there! a really MUST-SEE!! actually he looks like he is enjoying life.

a big THANK YOU to my friends for cheering me up.

mav: thanx a zillion!! w/o u, i'll prolly bottle it all up.

jem & ph: both of ur "childishness" really helps to brighten the day. w/o u two, i won't be laughing so much.

kw: teasing u is juz so fun. sorry if i went overboard. ya, but it helps to relieve some stress though. so thank u.

i tink i've returned to my original self. happy, bubbly girl. not thinking too much nowadays. caught up in work and preparation for the fun fair.

even though softball girls lost 7-8, they put up a very good fight. juz a pity they lost during sudden death. proud of jan for doing a homerun! u rock girl!

still haven gotten to eat sushi buffet. seems like we're not fated. now there's a new suggestion - haagen daaz. are u drooling yet?

anyway, to end things on a high note, heard that mr r.a.f.f.l.e.s (or so kw calls) is no longer attached. well, looks like there's some thinking to do now. but i doubt i wanna get scolded for nutin again. HMPH!

thot i'd be feeling much better upon hearing that sis wans to tink things thru. BUT NO! that ain't the case.

at least for now, she noes wat she wans, but she also noes that wat she wans will break my mum's heart. indeed, she is confused, confused whether to pursue her own happiness or to give my mum some peace of mind. no wonder she rejected the idea of counselling.

i'm totally lost. i dunno wat to say or do. can't concentrate during lessons, head hurts badly, much thinking left to be done.

i admit having gone thru the same path. maybe it is part and parcel of growing up. then again, i rather she be the passive than active so that it will be much easier to get back on track.

wateva it is, at the end of the day, she will always be my beloved sister. i will love her for who she is. hopefully now my prayers will be answered that she finds the right path.

first and foremost, thanx to all thoz who showed concern one way or another. really appreciate.

the ultimate thing happened. mav called my hp laz nite so i asked her to call my hse. being in that state of mind, i wasn't conscious of the surroundings, much less the phone. after i had poured out all my miseries to her, my sis came in to tell me that my mum had been listening to my conversation all tis while.

couldn't sleep. turned in at 3am but was still very restless. finally fell asleep at 4am and woke ard 8am. the sleep wasn't peaceful at all. kept waking up. same goes for my mum. i'm really worried abt her. she has to work and has to drive. i'll pray god will protect her from any danger.

now mum & sis are thrashing things out. i hope everything turns out fine. i'm not a robot, i will collapse. wanted so much to cry laz nite, to ease my burdened soul, but the tears turned to rocks, nothing could flow.

i wish someone else could gimme emotional support, i wish for someone to share my pain, someone close. yet i do not wish to trouble my frens. family matters hv to be settled within the family.

i noe i'll be fine. it's always a matter of time. i muz be strong. i muz carry on. i still hv roll-off tmr. i will bowl well.

true enuff, all is well. sis wasn't resistant, juz asking for time to tink things thru. from tis matter, i've seen wat a role i can play and how much influence i hv on my family. i cannot afford to fail. my neglience has landed my sis in today's state. i hv only myself to blame. i muz strive to be a better sister.

I WANNA CRY!! suffered 2 major shocks in a matter of 3 days.

1. $40 was stolen from my drawer. narrowed down to two suspects but already searched thru their belongings yet no sight of the money. i tink i muz search the ulu corners where they can hide it.

if i can't leave money at home, where else can i put it other than the bank? u dun expect me to make daily trips to the bank, do u?

feeling: UTTER DISGUST!

2. truth is real cruel - my sis is not str8. i mean it. chanced upon a letter while getting my fun fair tix from her sch journal. u noe, frens do say they love each other when they write letters. then, i found a ring in her wallet. next, the whole stack of letters from her gf pertains to love. and they even celebrated their ONE MONTH on 21st april for god's sake.

damn it! screw everything. i am the one to be blamed. i dint watch her properly. why dint i suspect anything when they were getting so close? why did i even trust her so much in the first place? or izzit bong's fault? could it be all the teasing that has now turned into reality?

I HATE MYSELF FOR THIS. if only it was me, cos at least i noe how to get back onto the str8 path. dun get me wrong here, it's not that i have anything against actives/passives. my couz is one if u dint already noe. but my sis, she's not naturally liddat. she's under influence. it all started with that fucking bitch krystal.

feeling: FUCKED UP!

who can i talk to? it's the 'dun wash ur dirty linen in public' kinda thing. further more, i'm not telling my mum. i dunno how to. she's so fucking stressed up with her work and household matters. i cannot add onto her burden. i dun wan her to commit suicide as a last resort.

and knowing my sister's character, she's been rebelling since young. so if i were to talk to her, in which we would end up quarrelling, she would all the more be more headstrong and persist her actions.

screw the lost money. it ain't of paramont importance now although i used to place treasure my money. my sis is important, at least she is to me. her gf is malay. so wat? is she not gonna eat pork anymore? or is that girl enjoying chinese lips?

to my clazmates: never seen me cry b4? i might breakdown in sch. who noes?

mav, where are u? i need u by my side now. u're my pillar of support. smsed u but u dint reply. are u sleeping already? hope u'll help me work out some solutions.

my blog has a new look!! woohoo!! strawberries are red and cool!!

yest was a LOOOONG day for me. had pe in the morning, followed by sports day (which means feasting ur eyes on the muscular legs) and roll-off in the evening. i was totally shagged out at night. one of the rare occasions i felt so tired.

PegasuS - my wonderful house came in last for almost all the events. clinched 2nd for cheerleading and mascot. i'm sure they'll do better next year.

had math test tis morning, shall not be bothered abt wat the outcome is gonna be like. ate pastamania, after dunno how long. now my stomach feels queasy becos of the carbonara.

jem & sher came over to cook rosti. it isn't anywhere near marche's standard, but for the fun fair, the customers shall have to make do. fried omelette too. *yumz* that one was nice.

guys are not helping out, or rather not bothered to. wat's new? they assume it's a girl's job. it is juz no wonder the % of girls getting band 1&2 for pw is higher than the guys. it speaks alot on its own.

G.U.Y.S. they are just so irresponsible.

spent my whole afternoon with ms siow and kw today. first, went to asics to browse thru the polo shirts. then went all the way to acs barker for the lane draw.

gosh! i muz elaborate abt the school. entered by the multi-storey carpark. walked to the clock tower where we realised that we were in the primary school section. so we made our way up small flights of stairs thru nicely planted trees. again, another open circular area with 4 blocks surrounding it - admin office, auditorium, pri & sec sch.

i caught sight of a swimming pool. how cool is that! the canteen is fabulous too! they hv japanese food. surprising, the food is not all that pricey. tis is the best of all, they actually hv popular in there.

oh, wait, lemme talk abt the ez-link card encounter. while deciding wat to eat, i saw a sign that says only ez-link card is allowed for purchase. damn! my card has no money. so i thot, if they hv such a system, there sure is to be some machine to top-up ur card. true enuff, i found a scanning machine where u can place ur card there for automatic update. now, the catch is, u muz ask ur parents to register ur card using Master Card. i was speechless. thank gdness they accepted cash after all.

anyway, bottom line is that the school is amazing. wat do u expect rite? it can hold a church in there as well.

now to talk abt the lane draws. all the schools are having their girls and boys bowling in the same squad. not only that, teams from the same school get to bowl side by side, either on the same pair of lanes or one beside one another. tink of the bowlers, tink of the coach! tis is definitely unconventional. maybe a change will do vj good. who knows? by the twist of fate, we could jolly well turn tables around.

roll-off starts tmr. all the best to everyone! i will soar.

majorly irritating cRaMps!! arghzzz..!!

thinking abt nationals, it's in less than a month's time, 27 days time to be exact. i'm aiming for the best but my current form proves otherwise.

i BeLieve.. and as long as i believe, i will do it!

feeling super duper sleepy, must be the effect of the medicine since last night. came home to take a nap b4 trg.

rotation was ok today. then a new problem, or shuld i say recurring problem arises - not dropping shoulder enuff. gotta work on that now.

bowled like shit! dun wanna tink abt it. glad kw took up my challenge ever-so-readily and gracefully! and he won! cheers!

the guys are starting to get really serious. starting to change impression. maybe they do hv some hope after all.

the girls are the ones not being serious now. HAIZ. nvm, we'll work on it.

time is drawing nearer and nearer. gotta pia already!

beta go now. blogged specially to talk abt kw. hahaz!

BLOGGING is MEANINGLESS!!

day in, day out, coming online to pour out everything is so superficial. lacking the human touch - criticism of OP according to larry choi.

special thanks to mavis, my dearest friend, who suddenly smsed me to ask how's things. it really made my day. tink it was friday rite. maybe basking in love gives u a greater incentive to share it with the others ard u. wateva it is, thanks dear! love u loads!

i gotta stay focused. roll-off starts on thursday and i'm not exactly accustomed to the ultimate inferno yet. i'll work those fingers and thumb and wrist of mine tmr.

my couz fought with his dad, as in literally fight! it was all a build-up of matters. one incident was over his short-listing to uni. his dad didn't seem to bother. sorta talked abt it with my mum juz now and almost ended up quarreling as well becos both of us are coming from very different pt of views.

anyway, talking abt uni. at tis very moment, i'm all heated up to take up law. out of all the courses in the NUS booklet, i read thru the law section thoroughly.

well, i'll do wat i can to get wat i want.

could say a great day today, despite the painful moments. started with a morning greeting of my bro throwing 2 pieces of bread untouched into the bin. was deeply perturbed, hv guys no conscience?

the next encounter with another guy was foo see bon who looked for me after morning assembly wanting to talk to me abt being so talkative during lectures. i dunno how i did, but i did wat i did, and eventually emerged victorious. shall attend his lectures from now on since he said he's not picking on me. juz glad the whole matter wasn't blown out of proportion and i won without showing any disrespect.

haven't pe in a while too, so the workout was good. shiok!

finally came our pw results. i was shocked to be the only one in my grp to get a band 1. actually not very surprised at the differences in grades. at least i noe that i shone during oral presentation and that alone is enuff to make the grade difference.

trg was normal. netball's season ended, so ms siow is faithfully turning up for all our trg sessions from on.

tonite's the last epidose of beautiful trio - da nu ren, xiao nu ren. abrupt ending, as usual. mediacorp's script wirters are imaginative ppl but dunno how to hv a nice ending. conclusion: women still need men no matter wat. guess it works vice-versa.

kw: u can do it! someday u'll be able to take up my challenge gracefully and beat me. i'll help u train up ur mental. work on it. time is running short real fast.

deleted the previous entry. to those who read it, gd for u. to those who dint get a chance to, i'll say it's better that way. i'm a verbal abuser, and since blogs are such public places, i had beta keep a lower profile.

juz wanna say that it felt gd being on my own today, away from the horrendous class. dint even hv break with them. seems like the first time. well, it feels dam good. if kw wasn't my team mate, then i wouldn't bother abt him as well. wateva it is, i like things the way they are now. maybe i should maintain it tis way for a while.

many thoughts on my mind now, thoughts abt the future. i'll hv to keep that thot on hold until after nats. in the meantime, it's trg, trg and more trg. actually trg is lesser tis yr. wateva the case, i'll go all out.

haven been online for a few days straight. not in the mood to.

music fest. it was alright. the crowd was really rowdy though. they were especially noisy during instrumental performances. sat in the audience last night to conclude that i cannot attend a musical concert. dunno how to appreciate and dun have the patience to.

congrats to all winners. surprising steelgrass dint win. well, ravin's band did good. bila bila tamila. "my *ahem* become rock!" the 3 soloists were fantastic. thot chloe did good but genevieve won. from the upper gallery, she looks like vic. son of a preacher man, nice song indeed.

life has been monotonous. when i hv a sudden urge or interest, i lose it the moment i work on it. how to carry on? von's seems to be entangled in a love mess again. tis game of love ain't no game for me. i'm outta it.

i'm trying to live with imperfection.

to all my christian friends, i still love ya all loads! it's juz me and my internal protest against christianity. sincerely mean no harm at all.

WOMAN. aren't we so susceptible and vunerable? to tink i thot my show was here - feminism show - but to my disappointment, women are still portrayed as the "victims"? can we really do w/o men?

guys push their luck too far sometimes. in my impression, i feel that they tink they are meant to be on top. can anyone get rid of that stereotype?

am i psychic? i seem to be able to read people's minds. nah, i guess i'm juz observant. i'm no fool, don't try to kid me. then again, when it comes to matters of the heart, i have a mind of a 3-yr old? ain't that just sad.

i don't have to fret over getting a temporary job after As, becos i can approach chanks. yea baby! plus his descirption of the job seems very appealing. hoping to earn some cash and of cos valuable experience.

tmr's maundy thursday, in other words, holy thursday. good friday is drawing near and i'm not even over the movie. i get flashbacks each time i'm left alone and thinking. i can't seem to rid of the bloody gruesome scenes.

gonna go visiting of churches tmr. actually i was looking to forward to tis day hoping that i can get to meet him in his church. but now, he's far away in another country. guess it's juz all not fated. maybe it was never meant to be. knowing him could have been a slip on God's part.

i love u. i've always loved u. and i always will. u're etched in my memory. getting over u i must. oopz! outta point. cranky already.

i'm living my life perfectly w/o guys. guys wreak havoc. no doubt the female species are more deadly, but the male species are troublemakers. they had it coming on their part.

wateva it is, Jesus commandment is "love one another as i have loved u".

the Passion of Christ. great show, deep meaning.

i guess tis show will touch all christians & catholics more than anyone else. as for me, all my 17 yrs of living, all the cathecism classes i've attended, all the stations of the cross i've gone thru', has not enabled me to picture the death of Christ in such a gruesome manner.

being as naive as kids would be, u would tink that the pain of crucifixion comes soley from the nailing of hands and feet. today, i learn otherwise. mr yeo told me that the movie is already a tamed version of the actual romans' doings. many unsightly details were left out. all i know is that the passion of our savious is nothing compared to all our earthly desires and torments.

indeed, tis movie has made a great impact on me. one good thing that came out of it could be a step further in my religion. one thing for sure, tis yr's stations of the cross for me would definitely be a whole new experience with me having a vivid picture at every station. also, tis by far is the only movie i've actually ever teared in. it is a torture in itself to sit and watch the beastly tortures.

overwhelmed. traumatised. petrified. all these emotions have left me a little out of sorts the whole of today. i'm in love with the catholic faith momentarily. tis easter, my life will change. utter devotion i give to thee.

one weakness in my pt of view would be the chance taking of many to convert others. take tis evening for example, mr yeo & i were discussing abt the movie when he encouraged wingz to catch it. next, "then u can get converted." i was shocked. "that's not the point!"

i dunno how to express how i feel but i dun exactly approve of the idea of preaching and converting others. sometimes, not all are ready. and i can't believe mr yeo said that he was disappointed cos i am a catholic. where's the logic? to me it seems he's trying to convert people for the sake of increasing numbers.

oh wellz, i still haven gotten rid of the prejudice i have against christianity.

anyway, catch the show, i tink it was worth it - the tears and agony juz sitting and watching for 2h.

i got my hp back! like yay, finally. and i got it back against all odds. it was raining elephants and hippos but i braved it all to walk to centrepoint from cine and back. so crap!

quarelled with my mum laz nite. actually juz got scolded by her and a cold war started. but i tink no more already. dunno wat she wants sometimes. not going to bother abt the maid so much from now on. let her have a feel of what it is like.

gotta start focusing! nats are in 6 weeks! ms siow actually overlooked it and thot it was the laz week of may. khadi's ball is working prefectly fine for me. looks like i'll get a light blazing inferno. 14 pounds would do me more harm.

gonna hv dinner with kw and mingz at src later. watching inter-club too. i tink it's quite boring though.

anyway, the weekend is here. in other words, it's tutorials overload time.

HAPPY APRIL'S FOOL!

boring day. no one played any joke. not even a tiny one. bland april's fool.

feeling perked up today. mood's much better. yest was horrendous though. basically 'fan lian' (fell out) with everyone at home. how bad can tt get.

cooked dinner today. love cooking. my fav past time. breaded dory fillet is nice! gonna be cooking fish & chips soon. *yumz*

can't wait for tmr. gonna get a "new" ball. actually it's khadi's old ball, tink i've mentioned tis b4. really hope it works well.
pe too. gonna play floorball.

oh yes, i muz blog abt tis. my clazmates would noe wat i'm talking abt. there is a person who pisses many off due to his rebutts during GP presentations. c'mon! get a life! if u really wanna go into details, then might as well throw away the notes and do ur own research. if u really wanna find fault (which appears so), then there will be a counter argument to each and every point made. so to hell with u! tired of having to entertain ur "intelligent" questions, or engage in "intellectual" debates.

"i would not like to copy notes for u." - jm to ph. damn funny! polite rejection. made him go for lec cos i refused to copy for him too. joke of the day!