i found another lorraine's blog! so interesting. and she calls herself a bitch too. does it run in the name? however, she loves pink. that's the difference. thank god.

Recovered.

Sadly, I'm still not afraid of food.

Now, I've got a neck ache that has lasted since yesterday. I need a cure!

There was a blackout which lasted for almost 2hours last night. Studied with "candle-guards". Lit two candles and placed him on either side of the table. It was a nice, romantic atmosphere but unfortunately, the heat was a killer!

The light was dim, very dim and shaky. I wonder if my eyesight has been affected.

Math was blah.
GP!! shucks! My argument is in total disagreement with my stand. My slip-up. Arghz.
Physics, Shall we not go into how much spare time i had becos i couldn't do much?
Chemistry. Ooh, how i love chem!! *no sarcasm*

Well, one paper to go. F math! Hope I'll like it.

ritz carlton buffet to food poisoning.

terribly ill!!

laid in bed the whole day.

revision has come to a halt. i'm dead!

busy two days. busy studying & revising. a good attempt. hahaz.

study buddy - jem! yayay! 3 cheers for her! hahaz.

i'm a little off today, okay, maybe more than a little. hahaz.

when can i remove my braces?!! *exasperated*

i reckon it's father's day that is causing my mood to be topsy-turvy. then again, it can't be because all these years, everything has been fine. maybe i decided to be emotional this year. hahaz.

are maids really "doomed" to be maids? will they never learn not to take things for granted or behave with proper etiquette? a perfectionist i may be, but this time, they have really gone too far.

recalled this dream i had some time back. "who wants to be a doctor?" most of the people in the room raised their hands and in particular, this 'someone' raised his hand. upon seeing that, i raised my hand too.

dreams are from your subconscious mind. it speaks for a lot. this 'someone' has led me to take the first step forward. however, in reality, i wouldn't mind being a doctor but i am afraid, afraid of what lies ahead.

i watched The Prince and Me just now. Love vs Medical profession. it all fits in nicely like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. will i ever walk in that path?

laid in front of me are the cards i have to play my game. every different combination leads to a different outcome. i have to play my game well in order to succeed.

block tests are nearing so quickly. one week left. sadly, all i know is that the information keeps seeping out of my brain. i can't seem to memorise any shit. not expecting to do well because i am totally not focused.

in a transition state, in the grey area. till i sort out my life myself, will i then know what i need and want.

ok, so i've gotten my hp back. but now that it's back with me, i feel i don't need it anymore. i think there's a major screwed up problem with me.

when i get my hands on stuff that i long to get, i don't want it anymore.

screw me! screw me! screw me! i'm screwed up manz.

had fun walking around orchard with the two kids yesterday despite the chore of having to run after them and shout. with them, i feel so damn bloody wanted! both of them will be clinging onto me. the stayover at their house was requested too.

there are so many others to find love, aren't there?

i had a weird dream few nights ago, or should i say nightmare. two people getting together and caught in the act. it was funny becos it all seemed like a drama serial.

so i finally caught a glimpse of some live soccer action of euro 2004. bulgaria vs denmark. after watching the first half where the danish had a 1-up lead, i decided to sleep. BYE BYE bulgaria!

now there's nothing left to see. the long awaited and "planned" class outing to sentosa has been cancelled. apparently there are only a handful going. what the hell is wrong with this class? well, thanks von for putting in the effort though it is obviously futile and might be in future too. that's why sometimes it is better to remain in your cliques.

not in the best of moods today, in fact, it's a volcanic mood, erupting almost the entire day. everything seems to be going wrong, plus my current speech problem worsens the situation. so many frustrations yet to place to air.

sorry mav for neglecting u today. hope u had fun doing ur work and surfing the net while i was sleeping. feeling lethargic and also the nap helps to take my eyes of all the mis-doings and rest my worn out self.

i think it's PMS. it's that kind of "thw world seems to be collapsing on u" feeling. or it could be pre-exam tension. so many things, so little time. well, tmr's class outing would either free me or aggravate my condition. we'll see.

sis is going for a 5D4N m'sia trip. absence makes the heart grow fonder. i thot i could pull her away from her gf by asking my aunt to bring her along but i realised i was wrong. they met up today and she kept extending the time to be back.

i feel helpless. i can't do anything. am i really gonna watch her fall? then again, i ask myself, i search deep within me, maybe i do like girls too? hahaz. weird thoughts though. i dunno. could be out of desperation.

i'm simply exasperated!

i'm feeling miserable. i've got tiny bands that form a 'W' on either side of my teeth. i can't open my mouth. not even 0.5cm wide. and it's troublesome when i gotta eat cos i hafta take it out and put it back on. contemplated skipping meals but that isn't the ideal situation. well, i guess for vanity sake, i've gotta bear with it till next, till i see my 'mouth terrorist' again.

bumped into aubrey at dhoby ghaut nel changing to nsl. she's a pretty girl. dun ask me why the sudden urge to blog abt her. she's cute, fair, slim, just like any other teenage girl. she should be ravishing once her braces are out.

looked at myself in the mirror and realised i'm no longer the girl i used to be. no doubt i've kicked the bad habits but i've lost other good traits along the way. i'm not that determined a girl i used to be. i compromise my standards. i lose hope so easily that depression seems to be a way of life.

block tests are round the corner but i'm half-hearted about studying hard for it. maybe there are far too many distractions. maybe i need to get back the focus that i used to have. maybe, there're just too many maybes. maybe is just an excuse that i use to shield myself from guilt.

i've come this far and came the hard way. all the "ordeals" faced previously before a major exam didn't seem to hinder my progress. those were family issues. would this year be a better year for me? or would i still be hounded by personal issues? is it an external WANT or an internal NEED? or is it just a teenage trend? well, it's for me to figure it out now.

my immortal - evanescence

i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
cause your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cry i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
i held your hand through all of these years
but you still have
all of me

you used to captivate me
by your resonating life
now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts
my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away
all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
but though you're still with me
i've been alone all along

THE BEST BET - local hokkien comedy. HILARIOUS! totally fascinated by the dialect. i thot i understood quite a fair bit but i realised how cheem it can get.

caught the midnight show at lido. reached there early. saw the queue outside chinablack. moderate. makes me wanna party. haven't gone for any tis hols.

tired. been having late nights in a row.

did shopping! unleash the shopaholic in u - i sure did. bot two low-cut tops. much as i dun want to, i've gotta wear sth inside.

and talk abt getting FAT! i had ponderosa on friday and it was a salad buffet. 2 consecutive buffets! i'm dead.

D E T O X I C A T E

i've been eating and eating and eating. cham liao lo! had supper last nite. thot i could detoxicate today but i was WRONG WRONG WRONG! ended up having sakae sushi buffet. HELP ME!

that's besides the point. had a fun day out with my family today. S H O P P I N G ! ! mummy dint drive. first stop was ck tangs, then to john little, robinsons and finally ended at united square.

mummy bot lingerie for me. hahaz. i bot mascara. sky high curves by maybelline. shall use it tmr. tmr's gonna be another family day. mummy's on leave these 2 days. yay! tis is so cool.

u've matured. i expected it to be the point of no return. u shocked me. i'm proud of u.

BORED to tears at home. tried my best to study but was a futile effort.

yet to step out of my house. i feel suffocated. i can't stay indoors all day. nvm. should be going out later tonight to meet up with my dear couz.

most shocking news i've heard. i have an IMPOSTER! jessica talked to ME at rogue and even introduced her friend. I was a hardcore smoker. WTF?! and it all links back to a guy called leonard.

who is the BITCH who is out to tarnish my image?

i'm glad i was a pleasant surprise to my strawberry sis. i sacrficed half a day of work to be with u. am i nice or wat? haha.

glad u enjoyed urself too! had fun singing rite? PRO sia. only one who dint zhou yin. sorry to have screwed up the 'cake surprise'.

like i always say, "Birthdays are important!"

we went to K-Box at suntec city. py obviously can sing, kt sings oldies, ml sings everything! he has mic phorbia though. he sings much louder without the mic. weird!

fun-filled evening with joy and laughter with everyone laughing at each other for trying to reach one octave up. plus all the improvisations made to the songs. it was hilarious!

ended the evening with a "surprise" at sky garden. damn romantic place. saw 2 guys tgt, wonder if they're a couple.

got to noe ml a little better. he's not as quiet as he seems to be. overall, just a simple nice guy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PY mei!!

watched the tennis French Open finals last night. how i wished coria had won. a very good and intense match played.

ironic how the people i support tend to lose.

suffering from insomia. can roughly figure the cause. slumberland is out of my reach. i wish i could hibernate for the whole hols but there's still the exams to study for.

sadly, internet explorer at home is down. can't let off steam.

tis hols, i will devote more time to my family. help my sis get back on track. hopefully the new maid is a honest and decent girl.

fuck it!

mood swings.

guess wat? time of the month.

actually there's more than meets the eye.

my whole world collapsed too. it's finally over.

happy yet disappointed.

i had so much confidence that we could win the quartet event, but what did we get? SEVENTH. WTF?!! dint feel that the fighting spirit right after the first game. tell me, how bad is that.

nevertheless, i got into Masters! yay! squeezed my way in. 10th position. mummy came to watch me bowl. delighted!

clara stayed over last night. she's ultimate fun! we talked ourselves to sleep. mummy was afraid i'll turn les cos we shared the same bed.

kw is a notti boy. i saw a sms which i wish i hadn't seen, one which he claims to be casual. i can't imagine what would be serious then.

overwhelmed by sight, slashed by the blade of betrayal.
taken for granted, played like a fool.
when will i know the truth?

LIFE IS A BITCH!!

i'm in a whirlpool - lost, dumbfounded and sucked in.

i wanna be free. maybe i'll gradually be.

my tears are no longer flow. they harden within me. i'm a crystal inside. u've hurt me once, twice, time and time again.

a HUGE THANK YOU to all those who treated me makan today.

mummy - steak.
kenneth - apple pie.
mingz & family - popiah and the car ride.

as u can see, i've been eating and eating and eating. the temptation of food is simply irresistable.

bowling doubles with clara tmr. ALL THE BEST to us! i tink we stand a medal chance. wateva the case, it's great bowling with her becos she is loud, funky and most imptly, FUN!

i realised how some people can actually be such big Bs!! utterly disgusted! is that good? am i there yet?

with hands all over, watch my tears flow as my mascara runs down my cheeks. i wish i could be left with some dignity, would u give it to me?

went to pocket bowl THREE times today! the people have seen enuff of me and i have had enuff of that place. unfortunately, i've gotta be there for another 4 days. oh wellz, it's a good thing to stay opposite?

scalded myself while cooking spaghetti BUT i bowled well today. 187.3 avg. connected a 5-bagger. been awhile since i did that. pulled myself from a miserable position to 9th. yay! clara came in 3rd for Singles. so happy for her. to think that we were having so much fun today.

the kc girls that are bowling beside us are into alexius pek. kept talking abt him. he ah, also another one, purposely stand behind our lanes. so the girls will amp-chio when they make eye contact. grrr, all the flirting!

if only age group lasts the whole month, i'd be motivated to study. i would be more disciplined becos there'd be a time to bowl, to watch and to study. however, good things never last. so wat the hell..

i'm so lost now. CONFUSED! getting all the signs mixed up. tell me, am i paranoid? i'm not the only one who thinks that way. should i be consoled? or should i feel betrayed?

on a lighter note, i've got a new GIRLFRIEND! he is none other than chua khoon wee. *A-H-E-M* tis is so fun! and i've expelled him from my BITCH club. so he's just another dumb blonde. the silly boy is intimidated by kt. don't be! remember, u have a mission to accomplish, u're getting to it, hang on!

was told blatantly that i am FAT! FAT! FAT! FAT! FAT! FAT! FAT! FAT! FAT! FAT! FAT! FAT! but i am. hahahaz.