i can never be that ONE person. i always get the feeling that SHE's more important. perhaps my journey in life is such that i will be shadowed, playing second trumpet to everyone else. i think too much. i feel like an ignorant primary school kid trying to dabble in affairs of the heart. i shouldn't.

now, for the narration of 'my wonderful saturday evening'. pardon me, as it is only going to be a very brief story.

even though my maid was caught telling lies and chatting with a stranger on the phone, my evening was near perfect. it started with shawn and ken coming over to ah kong's place for dinner. from there, i left with them to parkway to pick jess up and at the same time pop by giant to get bottles of corona and cans of kilkenny.

ken parked at my house then we went over to pocket bowl for 2 games. believe it or not, i partnered ken and we lost! because i have not bowled for more than two months and the lanes were literally oil-free. i could play inside line with my plastic ball. oopz! let's not digress.

so loser had to pay supper. went for a quicky at dunman food centre as cinderella me had to be home by midnight. but the quicky was good. because shawn had to innocently say that he was going to eat his food with "proudness" that had all of us bursting out in uncontrollable laughter. and ken (don't know whether it is unknowingly) leaned against me. thereafter, we came back to my house where we drank and made merry. don't get the wrong idea, we played cards, that's all.

mr-oh-i-don't-drink-but-gulped-two-bottles-of-corona-down-ken-chang knocked out after that. he slept on the sofa for about 2 hours while shawn, jess and i were chatting. heard about a gay club in ms. shall check it out some time. i'll be sure to ask someone along. when jess finally couldn't take it, she woke ken up and bye bye. all 3 of them left.

the fairytale that seemed so real. unfortunately, he's attached already. the fairytale that will never come true. it always revolves around a K, doesn't it? i realised that only i know what i am talking about. it's ok then. treat this as reading pleasure.

i woke up with wrenches of sorrow. the sobbing sounds were still playing in my head. i slept through the entire practical. now, there was only 15 min to round up everything. panic-stricken and guilt-stricken, it didn't help that chanks was making snide remarks.

are VJ teachers that frightful and awful?

certainly, i have first-hand experience with one stinking woman. that f**king slut's biasness will not bring her to any good. just my luck to be having a bad day.

been running a fever since last night. got 2 days MC.

actually i would very much like to blog about my wonderful saturday evening.

i'll be back soon, i promise!

unexpectedly wasted my whole day. at least i got to meet up with mingz, had lunch with her and kw at suntec, a place called just noodles. food is nice, a little pricey but not too steep. worth going back for more tries. we saw val teo with a girl. no offence but is she straight? at one moment, i thought i saw them holding hands. maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me. wonder if kenneth will kill me if i were to ask him this. i think i had better watch out for my life first.

mummy's going on a trip during the long national day break. godma's very insistent on Yangon, Myanmar even though it is not a packaged tour - free & easy. i don't know how i'm going to make them see my point about not having a guide in a third world country, especially when none of them will bother to do any research on the place beforehand. i just feel that they are going to waste their money on an unenjoyable trip. since i'm not going, very well then, i shan't say much.

i believe that guys should take the initiative either to propose or back off. if you do like her, then let her know. however, you must also be sensitive enough to sense if she is interested in you or not. maybe she's being polite by entertaining you. don't drown others with your sorrows. there is a limit to how much she can take. hopefully you're not oblivious to your surroundings. and hopefully this serves as a wake up call unless you think that you are high and mighty above all else. sometimes the tall don't see what is happening below because they are too proud to bother. their downfall will be near.

boohoohoo.. GP oh GP.. i can go fly kite already.

melancholy.

on the brighter side of things, i'm not going to school tmr. shall spend my time wisely at home instead.

tmr will be a better day. yes it will!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CKW!!
 
sinful sushi? nah, i don't think so. although i'm getting a little tired of sakae, we had a dunman high lovers' skit to keep ourselves entertained. i shall pardon them for i think that they are a very childish couple. thanks to them, the gossip spark was ignited. so the story goes on from there...

i've found out something interesting today. there is a Fellowship in class. aragon - jeremy, legolas - khoonwee, borohmir - yongteck, gimly - karseng. HIGHLY UNDERRATED MOVIE OF THE YEAR! be sure to catch it ya?

i've been waking up late everyday. late on 2 days out of 3. gotta drag myself out of bed the moment the alarm rings. i shall TRY not to be late for school.

 

C is for chem. neither happy nor sad. though i had higher expections of myself, the answer key seemed stranger to me.
 
i did it once again. quote DEPROVED! unquote chanks. certainly hope to do better for prelims. (DUH!)
 
my class is way too smart for me. i know that if i keep thinking this way, i'll never get far. but, it's true! perhaps i'm just a smart ass amongest my bunch of secondary school, and we're just another a group of dumb people struggling in an ocean of genuises.

swim swim swim, away from the shore, as far as you can. never remain stagnant because the current will wash you out.

i feel stupid having to visit you in the hospital. as usual, i knew that i was gonna be greeted with ingratitude. sometimes i wish you were non-existent. in the first place, you don't seem to show any intentions to want to recover! how infuriating can that be.
 
there goes another day, a fiery one to be precise. i did not bother to control my temper. was in a bad mood practically the entire day. the only drawback is that i'm exhausted now.
 
life has become so empty and meaningless. i live for no one, no one lives for me. i hate to see imperfection. my blood boils at almost every single thing. i make no attempt to change.
 
somehow, i don't think these are the words of a 18 year old. they sound more like a laboured aged woman.
 
Lady Of Rain, Rain Alone Invokes New Emotions. and i've found new meaning to myself.

sis is hospitalised. suspected appendicitis but fortunately not. pain is still there. doctors have yet to find out the cause. also, she has low haemoglobin blood count. could be due to her diet.
 
i'm sorry you will never be able to see me in that green robe doing my rounds in the hospital.

Are dads important?
 
a simple rjc prelim question has invoked thoughts and feelings that i thought i would only experience in dreams. i thought only in primary school do we get to write about our family. least did i expect this day to come where i would be put to the test.
 
i regretted my choice. i could have done another question yet i chose this. i was literally tearing the wound that had healed apart with my bare hands. i could have avoided all that i've been avoiding all these years yet i could not ignore the overwhelming affinity i felt for the question.
 
it was a good experience to go through the notion of deciphering the for and against points. an argumentative essay on this would be difficult to write. obviously, my view would be bias. nevertheless, i managed to complete it with pang and sherlyn. didn't think they'll chose the same question.
 
paranoia set in when i had to present to the class. felt that there were pairs of eyes of despise on me. maybe i haven't actually overcome anything i thought i had. this used to be one of my greatest fear and it seems to have revived, only now in a different form. it was hard but i'll learn.
 
on a disparate note, my life seems to be shuffling back and forth. one day it would be all nice and warm, the next, faced with a cold concrete wall. life has been harsh yet sweet.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PANGHAO!! stay happy always!!

actually i have a lot to say but meteor garden comes first.

i feel like a fool that has been made use of. maybe i should no longer swallow all i want to say.

yes! i've completed the book. saved the last part for dental because i knew that i was going to have to wait a long time. now i feel totally inspired.

it has set me thinking, who are the 5 people that i will get to meet in heaven, that is if there is even going to be a similar happening in life-after-death. i thought of one particular person, a girl. guess she has made a great impact on my life and that is to be as polite as i can get. hopefully by then i will be able to find out the reasons.

bascially, 'the 5 people you meet in heaven' is a book that is able to make you look at life differently. issues or people that you regard as of no importance may actually be the ones that determine one phase of your life. everything happens for a reason. it could a selfish one, or it could be a magnanimous one.

after reading, i've discovered that i've got a fetish for philosophical stuff. the book was enjoyable because it was narrative and at the same time philosiphical. i wouldn't mind reading more of this genre of books to add some perks to my life.

i'm currently reading 'the five people you meet in heaven'. it picked me up a little. at least i'm more of myself. i've learnt how to look at things from my side and the other party's side.

u gain at the expense of another and lose to let someone else gain. there will be people who u'd make an impact on and vice versa.

shall tell you more after i finish reading.

wonderful sunday! up as early as 6.30am and enjoyed the cool morning air as mum's car speeded down ecp to aye finally to west coast park. had a delicious macdonald's big breakfast and proceeded to the park to play. u heard me right, i was playing. it felt damn good to be young again. went to 'the animal resort' at jalan kayu. i fed the horse and i kept feeding the horse because the saliva was "dry". fed the rabbits too. now sis and bro are bugging to keep them as pets. well, it'll all depend. thereafter, we went down to punggol beach for a spin, lunched at changi village and back home. the queue for the nasi lemak was freaking long and i didn't taste any speciality!

as for my current mental status, i am not exactly depressed, or maybe a branch of depression. because i ain't feeling sad nor miserable, i just keep having flashbacks of what happened and what should have been done. note that results isn't the only factor here. i'm more of tired, mind not working right, it feels totally worn out. had a head massage - the measures i would go to rejuvenate my senses.

thanks wingz for this.

What will your Funeral be like? by rashock
Username
You will die by:	You body was found mangled in a brutal death from an insane lover or jealous significate other.The murderer was sentenced to death row but the chair or gas was too good for them. They sowed you up in a bag and tossed you in your casket, It's a closed case unless your friends and family want to be sick.
Death Date:	June 10, 2056
Number attending your funeral?	64
How much will you leave to friends and family?	$2,780,674
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

and now, another.

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	seven
your best quality is	youre genuine
your worst quality is	your family pisses you off
this is because	Its who you are
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

it could jolly well be the latest class disease, or it could just be some of us that are facing depression. whatever the case, it is affecting me badly. at this point, i feel like a total failure, loser, whatever.

i thought about my funeral. how i died, i have no idea. relatives aside, i was wondering who would pay their last respects, who would mourn and who would feel a loss. just a funny thought. ok, maybe not that funny after all, more of a gloomy thought.

i want to work hard yet i want to relax. after all, my hard work only pays off for chemistry. why bother? why try so hard when you know that in the end all your efforts would be furtile? despite such a belief, i would be letting myself down if i didn't care two hoots about anything. try my best against all odds - my resignation to fate.

i've understood the true meaning of "ignorance is bliss". over the course of these two days, i've come to realise that certain things are meant to be left as a mystery. it is for your own good and for everyone else's good. unfortunately, my curiosity will never lay at ease. deal with the upcomings in life girl!

lost in my own world today. hardly paid much attention to the surroundings whatsoever. i wasn't thinking. my mind was just drifting. the day was gloomy. thankfully it didn't rain to enhance the effect. minor issues like being damn unfit to major issues like horrendous results added to my "depression".

i've come to realise that bad result leave me very disheartened, they are certainly not motivating. maybe i should do a post-mortem for the recent common tests. i doubt i will find any flaw, instead throw in all the excuses i have, that is to be as pessimistic as i can get.

there's only thing i am certain of at this point in time. i have made a huge mistake a year and a half ago. maybe that is why i see my downfall playing right before me. however, there is no time and place for regrets now. i just have to bite on and see myself through the next 4 months. tough as it might get, i've come so far and cannot afford to give up.

what i really need to do now is to stay happy. i feel like a pregnant mother suffering from post-natal blues. it is a slight depression after all. the smile i'm wearing now is pretentious. maybe i am a piece of art. i'm not just a superficial girl. you have to search deep, trace my thoughts, before you can really figure out the true mystery behind the facade.

so it was PURE SABOTAGE!!

wateva, i've had enough for one night.

OMG!! why muz i discover IT? damn it! although part of me wants to know, the other part of me prefers to remain ignorant.

it's true! everything is so true! why am i so kpo? why am i such a smarty pants? why are my deductions so accurate?

SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!

feeling lyk shit now. it juz sux! sux big time! why can't i lead a peaceful life? discoveries like this wreak havoc. chaos explodes within me.

now i really wonder who else has access to tis f**king open blog.

disheartened by the partial results. maybe i really haven't done enough. what is enough then? start revision now?

anyway, i've came to conclude that love is not a game i can afford to play now. however, there is only one exception. the impossibility of it all is just too bad for me.

seems like shu uemura eye lash curler is good. diana ser uses it (happened to watch an interview on her), magazine promotes it, maybe i should get it. becos i'm into grooming my lashes now. i think they're quite long and cool to play with.

school was a breeze today. didn't do much. stoned half the time away. during physics lab, some of us had a chat about parents. was astonished at the comments made by some of them. for instance, not greeting/talking to their parents for a long period of time (to me, it's long!).

maybe becos i come from a single parent family, i've learnt to appreciate my mother very much. i HATE disrespect and ingratitude to parents. i care not so much for others but i cannot stand it when my siblings are ungrateful. hopefully they'll learn to grow up. guess i had my fair share of mischief too.

i'm living with utter disappointment. the higher your hopes, the harder you fall. I CAN'T GET TO REMOVE MY BRACES YET! sigh sigh sigh. sick and tired of it. when will the time be ripe?

oh manz, i didn't go out as planned today, instead i spent the whole day at home eating and sleeping. i got to save money but at the same time i was bored to tears.

back to school tmr. i'm dreading it. not looking forward to anything now. in one of those horrendous moods. wonder if i'll kill somebody.

that's not the point. i'm ranting on and on not knowing what the hell i'm saying. this could be the effect of over-sleeping.

sailing girls starting their race tmr. all the best to them! hopefully they win double championships. hopefully we get another off day sometime soon.

i'm officially broke! spent $50 in 2 days. bot a pair of earings and 4 tops from mango - racerback, toga, 2 tubes (to wear inside). hahaz.

i'm damn tempted to buy a pair of heels from charles&keith which is on sale now. $19.90

going out with py tmr. going shopping. that means spending more money. gosh! i tink i will hafta bring bread to school for july.

been keeping late nights. can't get to sleep. don't exactly feel tired too. body system always goes haywire whenever there are exams.

soccer tonight. of cos i'm gonna catch it live. who will win? greece is a better team but i tink portugal will take the cup.

ooh, i have butter rolls to spice up the soccer atmosphere. terrible indulgence. i'm gonna get fatter! hahaz.

look at the time. insomia. it's just me.

i get overwhelmed each time i watch meteor garden. i see the resemblence.

romance & friendship cannot co-exist.

i can't help but not feel anything knowing that things will never work out and that my good friend likes him too.

wateva the case, block tests are over. tis should be a fresh start.