Monday, February 28, 2005
my home comp is totally down. can't even get it started. i miss going online!! i hate to sneak coming online in the office but i have no choice.
anyway to all the ba guas & kpos (not including those who have been there for me all this while), i shall really summarize everything. the rest is up to your own imagination.
24th February 2005dinner at Lawry's: $162 for 2 mains & 1 desert.
bouquet of 12 red roses.
perlini's silver ring.
a night together.
just know that whatever the outcome, i'm still a happy girl. all is well.
i had a terrible encounter whilst working over the weekend. my partner is psycho! she has to take medicine, i wonder if it is to suppress her. she smiles at me when we're walking around but when i talk to her, she shows me black face. WTF?!! sales at causeway point was great considering that it is in the NORTH! the long journeys to and fro almost killed me.
taking FTT tmr. all the best to me!
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
my guilt is lessening. i'm learning to try. thank you to the many people who have been giving me advice. i've consolidated everything to make my own decisions now. i'm not positive about the future but i'm giving it one shot. at the end of the day, i still want him back as my good friend. somehow i feel we're better off as friends.
mummy knows about it too. she "encouraged" by saying that i'm not attached and that it is better to be loved than to love someone. i suppose that is true. after all, his sms-es make me smile. maybe it's not love that i'm feeling but if he can be happy, i guess i'm fine with it too.
my make-up V-day will be on thurs. going Lawry's @ paragon for dinner. anyone envious already? i think he's staying over after that. let's see if he is sweet enough to get me a bouquet of 12 red roses.
i'm JEALOUS!! k.C. is such a sweetheart. he's too too nice to shan already. she received 3 bouquets of flowers for V-day. i wanna bf like that too! they did many more romantic things together. let's save the details.
work has been terribly slack. i'm trying to drag as much time as possible becos my in-charge says i'm too fast for her. she has no work to give me. haha. efficiency!! did i mention that i'm the belle of the office? they all just adore me.
many more things i wanna blog about but i'm doing it on the sly. not supposed to use the internet during office hours and my seat is rather conspicuous. better run now. i'm gonna knock off soon anyway.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
GUILT is all i feel now.
how's it like to oblige and not feel anything??
i just hope he makes the best out of it becos i doubt i can hold out for long. i just want him to be happy. he's my good friend after all.
damn. is this a curse or what? i feel so unlucky.
the feeling of breaking someone else's heart is much worse than having ur own heart broken. trust me on this!
p.s. ken teo, i've not clubbed for 2 weeks now. so continue ur haagen-daaz wait!
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
first day of work @ muramoto asia pte. ltd. it is a japanese trading firm and my position is a shipping assistant.
guess what? i was invited to their cny dinner today. it was at crystal jade golden palace @ paragon. it was $120 per pax.
the menu: 1.yu sheng 2.shark's fin in clear chicken broth 3.abalone, oyster & fish maw 4.steamed grouper 5.lobster 6.roasted goose 7.glutinous rice 8.red bean paste with chinese pastry
i found another good catch. this one owns a car but looks not fantastic. maybe he's interested in me too becos he was like "woah!" when i met him to watch Constantine yest.
i love saturdays cos i get to see him. wonder if i will this weekend. i live week by week.
Monday, February 14, 2005
to all my dearies, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!
the best and the worst present was given to me at around 1am last night. he dropped a huge bomb on me. he liked me from the start?!! one year plus?!! it was a shocker becos i only suspected recently. my intuition never fails me.
anyway, point is i really dunno if i feel anything. maybe it's more of obligation becos he's too nice to me. my mind is in a whirl. i hate to think abt all this, it gives me unnecessary stress and headache.
k.C. asked me out for lunch on friday. just the 2 of us! the joy cannot be put down in words. taught him mj at my place. he came back at night, drank wine, had supper and talked thru' the night. he left at 6+am. spending almost an entire day with the guy u like makes u high.i'm too caught up with k.C. already. 80% goes to him? he's been nice recently and i just melt. unfortunately, he has a lousy gf who gets jealous over nothing? maybe i am a real threat to her.
so now i'm very confused. i only know i like k.C. a lot. i'm not bothered about anyone else much less think about who i like and who i don't.
he stayed at my place till 5am trying to dig an answer from me but i had none. he refused to let me off. he was a total bastard last night!
shucks! now i finally know why i wanna remain single. being attached is troublesome!
change your mind? i already told u not to fall for me. i'm only nice to those i like, other than that, i'm a total bitch, i think u should know. it's becos u've been too nice that's why i don't wanna hurt u.
i hope i'm not taking things for granted.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
dear diary,
only u know what i'm feeling right now. it's hard to put down in words. kinda confused. who would u choose? the person u love or the person who loves u? ponder ponder.
been really tied up doing personal stuff and preparing for CNY. haven't actually gotten proper rest in days. late nights are wearing me out.
it's CNY and i've got my period. it's gonna be a bloody affair. pink, the colour code for this year is gonna be very contrasting with a leak.
i'm not the least bit excited. i just feel exhausted. hopefully the gambling will perk me up. maybe looking forward to friday cos we're supposed to go out. only pray she'll not be around.
anyway, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR to all the chinese people!!
p.s. i'm racist now if u didn't already know.
Sunday, February 06, 2005
somebody help me get this into my head: "he's forbidden property, he's attached, he's taken, he won't like me, he'll never be mine."
he really seems flawless. maybe i'm just blind. and the fact that his gf is taking him for granted makes me feel 'ouch'. he deserves better.
much as i love his company, i'm afraid of falling too deep. i doubt i can ever find anyone else who can exude as much charm and charisma as he does.
why is it happening all over again?!! this vicious cycle never seems to have an end. argh!! i hate this feeling.
Friday, February 04, 2005
am i superficial or superficial? SUPERFICIAL.
let's see, 60% looks 40% character. and i say looks are secondary. i can't help it. if looks didn't matter, i'll have too many guys to like? haha.
well, someone brought me out of my minor depression and i'm obviously very grateful. i don't know if there are feelings or maybe i'm just suppressing them. i don't want it to happen becos friendship can last forever.
i think the current 9 o'clock show on channel 8 is so applicable to me. <
> i've gotten a little luckier since feb came, stay that way!
the 17-yr-old, gerald was flirting online? "u kept smiling, look so sweet and friendly, that's why i came to talk to u" & "i can show u that guys are not hopeless" oh gawd! somebody save me! hey boy, i don't think u know me and i don't think u can handle me.
baked cookies - cornflake almond & almond. doesn't seem to be enough to give away, may do more on monday. trying hard to get into the festive mood.
mum's considering changing car. yay! can get new car to drive when i get my license. as for now, i'm trying to convince her to let me drive the old car in carparks. then again, auto car, no kick!
shall catch up on my sleep now. going black tonight. working at hello orchard tmr. come visit me! esp those above 21 so that u can sign up for the uob-singtel visa card. ciaoz!
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
when a guy rejects a girl, there is only one reason, he is not good enough for her. agreed? NAH! that's the ultimate consolation for myself. i'm not good enough for him i guess.
it hurt, it did. it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, maybe i anticipated it, or maybe this isn't the first. well, at least i've got an answer, i can move on without qualms.
i know u'll be reading this sooner or later. it doesn't really matter. i'm glad to at least have a friend in u. to love someone is to let go so long as that someone is happy. i've finally understood what it means now. thanks!
singlehood is about the best as of now. no restrictions, no worries.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY MAVIS!!
hope u enjoy the dinner later at hard rock especially when they spring the birthday surprise of an announcement, hot fudge sundae and a poloroid.
